Hi! My name is piuma_volante, the flying feather, because that is what I want to be. I'm a 22 year-old university student with too many courses and too little time... well, that's what people tell me anyways. I've had problems with food ever since I can remember, but it was a comment from my godmother back when I was fifteen that probably turned them into an ed. I was a late bloomer and had then only recently started to develop- and I couldn't fit into my kids' clothes anymore, even though I tried. Anyway, she told my Mom that I should really watch my weight as I had gained so much in the last half year or so since she saw me. I overheard, I was shocked, I looked at myself in the mirror and I saw that disgustingly fat person looking back. Ever since then I'm fluctuating between binges and severe restriction... atm I'm coming off a binge period, and it's making me really depressed to see the scales stuck at an appalling 146lb. I'm planning on changing that just about right now! I think I'm ed-nos, but as I have never been to a specialist before I don't have any confirmation. I'm altogether feeling like fasting most of the time, but sometimes I just have to have that pizza, then I overeat severely for several days, and it's all a vicious cycle from there. I can't purge after a binge- I did once and got something stuck in my esophagus, almost suffocated. Been deadly afraid of it ever since. I can't stay away from milk (need it in my coffee). I feel guilty if I eat anything and guilty if I don't... but more guilty if I do. I'm so glad I discovered LJ! It's virtually unknown here in Germany! There's so many helpful communities out there, full of thinspo, great tips and understanding, wonderful people- I can't wait to meet you all (at least online :) ). NEway, I plan to use this journal as a means to monitor my progress, and as a reminder to myself of what I NEVER want to be again.